Digital Parenting and Safety Blog

Cell phones are becoming more ubiquitous with teens and tweens texting their friends every chance they can get. While this isn’t generally an issue, and can even provide smiles and a fun way to communicate with peers, there is a concern with a type of texting called sexting.

Sexting is the sharing of nude or near nude pictures by cell phone texts. Sexting is different from sending suggestive text messages, which although also a subject of concern, is not the same as sending an actual photo of one’s self in the nude with possibly a suggestive text message accompanying it.

So how can you protect your child from, and teach your child about, the implications and consequences of sexting?

It helps to understand first why teens engage in sexting.

Did you know that one in ten teens have sent sexts with one in three actually receiving them?

Peer pressure and low self-esteem can equally contribute to sexting. Some teens and tweens are more rebellious and want to break away from the norm of their family dynamics. Along with this rebelliousness comes the feeling of being liberated or grown-up and some even think it is a romantic gesture. In extreme cases, some teens even offer sexting in exchange for something they want.

It also helps to understand some statistics about sexting.

Cox Communications also reports more girls than boys will sext their friends. Most teens, boys and girls alike, don’t get caught sexting but if an image gets forwarded to unintended eyes, the results can be devastating. A high percentage, around 80 percent, believe sexting isn’t right, but nevertheless, many of them from this percentile do it anyway to play the part of their peers. 

It helps to educate your teen about the dangers of sexting.

Just sternly telling your teens not to sext won’t stop them – they’re not robots and won’t just follow orders. Let's face it, teens are ultra-smart with technology and they probably can outwit you on the computer. The best way to educate your teen about sexting is to talk with them – not to them, but with them.  Show them you understand their peer pressures by asking them to share what’s going on, sitting down with them and being straight-forward.

Tell them your concerns about their privacy and ask them if they’ve ever experienced sexting in any way – but be nonconfrontational. Your teens will be more willing to open up and share if they don’t feel threatened or resentful about how they’re being treated.

It also helps to emphasize the legal implications of sexting. Explain how receiving a sext should never be shared because it is a violation of privacy laws and could land your child to jail.

And if you have found some evidence that your teen may already be sexting, it may help to consider a Parental Intelligence System to monitor their mobile actions and have responsible conversations in a way that helps your child feel less rebellious or influenced by peers and more grounded and confident within themselves.  

Finally, it helps to monitor cell phone use in the home.

Certain rules will help you keep tabs on your child’s cell phone use. You can keep phone chargers in your bedroom so kids won’t have access to their cell phones after bedtime. You can keep your children from using their cell phones at certain hours of the day such as dinner time. And of course, you can use a Parental Intelligence System.

Communicating with your teens and establishing specified ground rules will help your child feel supported and deter them from falling into peer pressure of sexting.  

Most adolescents and teens can’t imagine a world without Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites. As a parent, you may feel a responsibility to monitor your child’s social media use, and that makes sense.

With the advent of social media and the fact that kids are spending more time on the internet now more than ever, parents need to be extra sure to pay special attention to what their kids are getting into online. In the past, one of the biggest concerns you might have had as a parent dealt with the kind of kids that your child spends a lot of time with. Now, social media sites such as Facebook give kids an outlet that can reach quite literally the majority of the people that your child may know. This can be just fine if your children are trustworthy and responsible with what they share, but some children cross the line, whether it has something to do with sexting, online bullying, or making inappropriate comments.

 If your child has been on Facebook for awhile, chances are that they have run into something on there that you might not agree with as a parent. What is important though is that you are able to instill in your child the knowledge that what they put on the internet is more or less permanently attached to them. There are far too many adults who seem to make this mistake, and it's scary to think that impressionable kids may be even more willing to take their online interactions too far.

 Sexting is one of the more common issues that teens and pre-teens face on the internet. Whether that would be your child sending something sexual in nature, or receiving it. Either way, if it is going on through a social media site, it can be very difficult to catch. Even when kids just had cell phones, parents could, fairly easily, see pictures on the phone or at least check the phone bill to see what unfamiliar numbers might be involved in a large number of texts, or in picture messages. Private messages through social media accounts take this ability away from parents for the most part, unless you have password access to your children's accounts. While there is a reasonable need for privacy, that need is going to be different for your 17 year old as opposed to your 12 year old. In either instance, sexting is cause for concern, especially when dealing with children under the age of consent in your state.

Bullying through online messages can be almost as harmful as sexting, and often, very little, if anything, can be done about it legally. The best thing that you as a parent can do is to communicate to your child that hurtful messages online are the same as saying them to someone's face. If your child is the target of online bullying, try talking to the parents of the people posting the messages. Most parents would be very upset if they knew that their child was contributing to the bullying of another child, and they will usually be the ones who are in the best position to make it stop.

Inappropriate messages, pictures, and comments that your children may be exposed to may require you stepping in and taking action, such as deleting the offending friend from your child's account. Or reporting the user to the website's abuse department. Many people casually share things on their Facebook feeds, these kinds of posts might not be directed at your child, but nonetheless, they will still be able to see them. For younger children, deleting the friend may be the solution, for those who are older, talk with them and let them know how you feel about it.

Social media monitoring is crucial. Parents, you can't turn a blind eye to Facebook. 

Has it ever occured to you that your child's favorite sites and apps might have unseen dangers? When they say they have been on Instagram or Vine or Keek, do you understand the risks involved? While these sites have boomed in popularity in recent months, the shocking reality is that they are home to some of the most dangerous risks on the Internet. 

If your child becomes the victim of cyberbullying, will he or she have the tools to cope? Parents of cyberbullied kids can do a lot to help, but one important one is making sure that they have access to positive role models. One of these is Ghyslain Raza, more popularly known as “The Star Wars Kid”.

In this article from The Washington Post, Cecilia Kang investigates underage children, Instagram, and if the image-sharing giant is doing enough to make sure kids are safe from adult strangers. We agree that the safety of children online should be the number one priority from all of these social networks, but unfortunately that is not always the case. Here is an excerpt of the piece below: 

This is a guest blog post from Anne Collier that was originally published on The Christian Science Monitor. Anne is editor of NetFamilyNews.org and co-director of ConnectSafely.org, a Web-based interactive forum and information site for teens, parents, educators, and everybody interested in the impact of the social Web on youth and vice versa. She lives in Northern California and has two sons.

No, it's not your imagination: the world really is speeding up these days. New advances in technology are coming faster and faster, to the point it's nearly impossible for anyone to keep up, much less someone trying to care for a family!