Digital Parenting and Safety Blog

MTV's True Life, a reality/documentary series that profiles real teens in episodes like “I'm a Textaholic” to “I'm a Sugar Baby” (you can look that one up to see what it means), is now accepting auditions for the newest episode, “I'm in a Sexting Scandal.”

Sexting makes its way into the headlines on a regular basis today, so it's not surprising that it has also become the subject of a True Life episode. Almost every week, I read stories about schools cracking down on sexting, kids charged as sex offenders for receiving or distributing sexts, teachers dismissed for sexting students, and states drafting new sexting legislation.

The True Life casting call is intended for people age 16-28 who are “involved in a sexting relationship, in a relationship based on only sexting, involved in other relationships where sexting feels like cheating, have sexting relationships with mutiple people, or find themselves sexting all the time.”

Naturally any parent's hackles are going to go up over a show exclusively about sexting, but it could actually turn out to be a good thing. Like MTV's show I'm a Teen Mom, the show may actually present a balanced dose of reality to teens about the negative ramifications of sexting. And as any parent knows, teens often listen more readily to other teens than to adults.

What do you think about the True Life episode? Would you let your kids watch it?

To be fair to MTV,  I feel the need to say that True Life covers some truly unsavory behavior (some episodes include “I'm Polyamorous” and “I Have a Fetish”) but not all the episodes are so questionable. When visiting MTV's website, I got sucked into watching the full “I'm Allergic to Everything” episode, which was fascinating.

-Jenny Evans is a mother of four and a blogger specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.

Even though it's not smart, a lot of teens are sexting. That is, they're sending nude or suggestive  pictures of themselves to each other on their cell phones. Though sexting is still a bad idea for a lot of reasons, parents in Florida should know that sexting laws that could affect their kids have changed.

Under the old law, any minor possessing or distributing a sext where the subject is under age 18 could be prosecuted as a sex offender. The new law, however, is much more lenient. What happens now when a teacher or parent finds and reports a sext on a child's phone?

As of October, 2011, a first-time sexting offense is not criminal. First offenses are punishable with 8 hours of community service or a fine up to $60. Second offenses are misdemeanors and third offenses are felonies.

This law comes on the heels of the more lenient sexting legislation in New Jersey in March, which also makes underage sexting a non-criminal offense. Many legislators and parents in both states felt that the former penalties were too harsh, and that education (not prosecution) was in order for teens caught sexting.



Some parents may breathe a little easier in Florida knowing that their teen won't get branded as a sex offender for getting caught up in sexting – but that doesn't mean there are no longer serious consequences. Kids who sext could end up humiliated if the pictures go public. And nude images floating around in cyberspace can be used or altered in any way – by anyone – without the subject's knowledge or consent.

 

-Jenny Evans is a mother of three and a blogger specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.

Parents in Black Diamond, Alberta got received some unpleasant news this month. Former Oilfields High School secretary Tanya Marie Cosette pled guilty to sexting two students (one with whom she was having a relationship) in 2009.

As school secretary, Cosette was described as “overly friendly” and routinely sexting both male and female students during and after school hours. She texted regularly with a 16-year-old boy and ended up in a two-month physical relationship with him.

A second student, aged 15, admitted to meeting Cosette to smoke marijuana. She reportedly gave him a cell phone so they could text each other. She sent sexual text messages to him, but a further relationship never developed.

This case should be a reminder that kids with their own cell phones are in a high-risk category if they aren't monitored by caring parents. Without monitoring, how do we even know who is having direct, unfettered access to our children?  Online predators know that cell phones grant them this access – in this case, Cosette was attempting to use a cell phone as a 'gateway drug,' maybe even more than the marijuana.

Tanya Marie Cosette was sentenced to four years (two for sexual exploitation, two for luring children.) After jail she will be on probation for two years and will need to complete 200 hours of community service.

 

-Jenny Evans is a mother of three and a blogger specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.

Given the number of teens participating in a sexting incident – approximately 25% by the time they leave high school – sexting is every bit the plague-like phenomenon the media makes it out to be. Sexting is the taking and sending of racy pictures or sending racy texts to someone else. For those of us parents who didn't grow up with camera phones, the biggest question about sexting might be: Why?

There are many reasons why kids sext each other. They might do it to get attention, to flirt, as a thoughtless impulse, or even as a joke.

Peer pressure is also a factor in texting, especially from members of the opposite sex. A study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy reported that of those who sent sexts, 51% of teen girls blamed “pressure from a guy,” while 18% of teen boys cited pressure from girls. I personally suspect that girls might even feel generally pressured to send sexts to compete for the attention of the boys they like.

While sexting in my opinion is never a smart or good idea, what I find most troubling about these statistics is that our sexting kids (especially our girls) aren't always completely comfortable themselves with what they're doing. In the case of our daughters, half the time they are doing it out of the need for acceptance and attention from a boy. That's a big problem.

Our girls need to develop the strength to resist pressure and most of all, not to base their self-esteem and their actions on the acceptance and approval of boys. Girls should grow up with the understanding that while sexts might garner attention from boys, they rarely garner respect – and a boy who gives them attention but not respect isn't worth their time.

These lessons are important for boys, too, but it seems like our girls are particularly vulnerable to making bad decisions in the hopes of pleasing a boy they like. So it seems that part of the overall issue may not really be sexting so much as it is self-esteem.

 

Jenny Evans is a mother of three and a freelance writer specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.