Digital Parenting and Safety Blog

Cell phones are becoming more ubiquitous with teens and tweens texting their friends every chance they can get. While this isn’t generally an issue, and can even provide smiles and a fun way to communicate with peers, there is a concern with a type of texting called sexting.

Sexting is the sharing of nude or near nude pictures by cell phone texts. Sexting is different from sending suggestive text messages, which although also a subject of concern, is not the same as sending an actual photo of one’s self in the nude with possibly a suggestive text message accompanying it.

So how can you protect your child from, and teach your child about, the implications and consequences of sexting?

It helps to understand first why teens engage in sexting.

Did you know that one in ten teens have sent sexts with one in three actually receiving them?

Peer pressure and low self-esteem can equally contribute to sexting. Some teens and tweens are more rebellious and want to break away from the norm of their family dynamics. Along with this rebelliousness comes the feeling of being liberated or grown-up and some even think it is a romantic gesture. In extreme cases, some teens even offer sexting in exchange for something they want.

It also helps to understand some statistics about sexting.

Cox Communications also reports more girls than boys will sext their friends. Most teens, boys and girls alike, don’t get caught sexting but if an image gets forwarded to unintended eyes, the results can be devastating. A high percentage, around 80 percent, believe sexting isn’t right, but nevertheless, many of them from this percentile do it anyway to play the part of their peers. 

It helps to educate your teen about the dangers of sexting.

Just sternly telling your teens not to sext won’t stop them – they’re not robots and won’t just follow orders. Let's face it, teens are ultra-smart with technology and they probably can outwit you on the computer. The best way to educate your teen about sexting is to talk with them – not to them, but with them.  Show them you understand their peer pressures by asking them to share what’s going on, sitting down with them and being straight-forward.

Tell them your concerns about their privacy and ask them if they’ve ever experienced sexting in any way – but be nonconfrontational. Your teens will be more willing to open up and share if they don’t feel threatened or resentful about how they’re being treated.

It also helps to emphasize the legal implications of sexting. Explain how receiving a sext should never be shared because it is a violation of privacy laws and could land your child to jail.

And if you have found some evidence that your teen may already be sexting, it may help to consider a Parental Intelligence System to monitor their mobile actions and have responsible conversations in a way that helps your child feel less rebellious or influenced by peers and more grounded and confident within themselves.  

Finally, it helps to monitor cell phone use in the home.

Certain rules will help you keep tabs on your child’s cell phone use. You can keep phone chargers in your bedroom so kids won’t have access to their cell phones after bedtime. You can keep your children from using their cell phones at certain hours of the day such as dinner time. And of course, you can use a Parental Intelligence System.

Communicating with your teens and establishing specified ground rules will help your child feel supported and deter them from falling into peer pressure of sexting.  

With the advent of social media and the fact that kids are spending more time on the internet now more than ever, parents need to be extra sure to pay special attention to what their kids are getting into online. In the past, one of the biggest concerns you might have had as a parent dealt with the kind of kids that your child spends a lot of time with. Now, social media sites such as Facebook give kids an outlet that can reach quite literally the majority of the people that your child may know. This can be just fine if your children are trustworthy and responsible with what they share, but some children cross the line, whether it has something to do with sexting, online bullying, or making inappropriate comments.

 If your child has been on Facebook for awhile, chances are that they have run into something on there that you might not agree with as a parent. What is important though is that you are able to instill in your child the knowledge that what they put on the internet is more or less permanently attached to them. There are far too many adults who seem to make this mistake, and it's scary to think that impressionable kids may be even more willing to take their online interactions too far.

 Sexting is one of the more common issues that teens and pre-teens face on the internet. Whether that would be your child sending something sexual in nature, or receiving it. Either way, if it is going on through a social media site, it can be very difficult to catch. Even when kids just had cell phones, parents could, fairly easily, see pictures on the phone or at least check the phone bill to see what unfamiliar numbers might be involved in a large number of texts, or in picture messages. Private messages through social media accounts take this ability away from parents for the most part, unless you have password access to your children's accounts. While there is a reasonable need for privacy, that need is going to be different for your 17 year old as opposed to your 12 year old. In either instance, sexting is cause for concern, especially when dealing with children under the age of consent in your state.

Bullying through online messages can be almost as harmful as sexting, and often, very little, if anything, can be done about it legally. The best thing that you as a parent can do is to communicate to your child that hurtful messages online are the same as saying them to someone's face. If your child is the target of online bullying, try talking to the parents of the people posting the messages. Most parents would be very upset if they knew that their child was contributing to the bullying of another child, and they will usually be the ones who are in the best position to make it stop.

Inappropriate messages, pictures, and comments that your children may be exposed to may require you stepping in and taking action, such as deleting the offending friend from your child's account. Or reporting the user to the website's abuse department. Many people casually share things on their Facebook feeds, these kinds of posts might not be directed at your child, but nonetheless, they will still be able to see them. For younger children, deleting the friend may be the solution, for those who are older, talk with them and let them know how you feel about it.

Social media monitoring is crucial. Parents, you can't turn a blind eye to Facebook. 

Every generation has its list of potentially dangerous activities targeting adolescents and teenagers. While experimenting with drugs and online dating are some of the major trends these days, there's another pattern that's catapulted to the top of disturbing behavior among today's youth. Sexting, or text messaging, is extremely popular for individuals mainly between the ages of 9 and 18.  Parents should be aware of this new form of engagement and how to protect their children from its negative aftermath. 

Sexting refers to sending sexually suggestive messages, photographs, and signage to others via text messages on mobile devices or other multimedia tools. The items sent by users are typically nude pictures and erotic words or phrases. The purpose is to flirt with romantic prospects, invite dating experiences, and increase social status among youth circles. Many pre-teens and teenagers get involved due to boredom or peer pressure. 

Sexting Consequences 

Although it may seem harmless to some young people, there's several severe drawbacks to sexting. For one, individuals must live with the permanence of their activity. Once a photo or message is released into Cyberspace, there's a chance that it may stay out in the open forever no matter what anyone does to try to erase it. This could eventually affect a person's chance at applying for college or getting a job in the future.

Secondly, sexting can ruin an individual's reputation. Relationships with parents, teachers, mentors, friends, and other close connections can become strained if a person has a history of being part of this trend. As a result, they risk ending up in awkward situations or become isolated from the people that they're usually in contact with. 

Most importantly, sexting can lead to legal ramifications. Teenagers who are considered of age can get in trouble with the law and face charges for being involved with the circulation of child pornography. Consequently, they can be forced to register as sex offenders for a certain number of years which reduces their likelihood of gaining trust or having a good social standing in their community. 

Ways To Protect Your Kid 

1. Educate 

One of the best ways to prevent your child from falling prey to the dangers of sexting is to keep an open dialogue with them about the threats that generate from this behavior. Create an atmosphere that makes it easy for your kids to feel comfortable about being open with you. By doing this, you're encouraging them to listen to your warnings rather than rebelling. 

2. Monitor 

Be sure to keep a close eye on what your adolescents or teens are involved with, especially the applications on their cell phones and computers. Don't avoid this method of prevention because you think it makes you look like you don't trust your children. At the end of the day, it's better to be safe than sorry. 

3. Discipline 

Lastly, create and stick by your boundaries. If you catch your child participating in some suggestive behavior, take away some of their privileges or initiate some other form of disciplinary action. If you're firm about your rules, your kids will usually learn to abide by them. 

Sexting shouldn't be brushed off as some innocuous form of communication between young people. Consider the damage that this trend causes and keep your loved ones safe. The sooner you take action, the better. 

If you need more information about sexting, download our eBook entitled "Understanding Sexting: Nine Things Every Parent Should Know."

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy surveyed teens and young adults for a report on sex and technology. The results may shock most parents. Overall, 39 percent of teens, starting at age 13, send or post sexually suggestive text messages — known as sexting — as well as emails. Forty-eight percent of teens report receiving these NSFS (not safe for school) messages. Also, kids who start this practice young tend to increase their risky ‘net behaviors as they become young adults. The problem of sexting is so overwhelming and the consequences so severe, it’s not unfair to ask what a concerned parent can do?

• Children are being prosecuted because most states and federal law consider any photo of a person under 18 to be a form of child pornography, no matter if the teenager was taking the picture of him or herself.
• Most teenagers do not realize that they are doing something illegal because they think it's their own body and will not get into trouble. 
• Once an image is sent to another person, the recipient becomes the owner of that picture and can do whatever he or she wants to with it. In essence, once your child sends the picture to another person, they no longer own rights to that image.

• Self-esteem issues
• Feeling inexperienced compared to other friends
• Persuasion from recipient of sexts
• Thinking it's not harmful and wanting excitement

With the relatively new ability to send images and videos through technology, people of all ages are taking advantage of this ability to connect to others. Unfortunately, it has also led to the evolution of “sexting.” While this is legal for adults (but still risky), it is not for minors and can have serious consequences on a minor’s emotional state, not to mention their professional and academic future.

Spotlight: A special thanks to Erin Raub and the SafeSoundFamily team for pulling together a weeks worth of great articles! The Web publishing team at Safe Sound Family consists of highly-skilled writers and editors who are passionate about and experts on family safety issues. Their team is dedicated to providing great advice and useful tips and information on home security and overall family safety topics. This week they included two articles from our parenting blog and we're excited about the posibitily of working with them in the future! Enjoy!

We know we have been blogging a lot about sexting lately, but it is a serious issue that we want all parents to be informed about. Here we discuss the perils associated with the sharing of nude or smei-nude photos, and tips to stop your child from making a big mistake from what they think is a seemingly innocuous action. 

uKnowKids is pleased to announce that we have released our eBook entitled "Understanding Sexting: Nine Things Every Parent Should Know"!  This eBook is free of charge to the public and jammed full of imporant information for parents of digital kids!  After downloading and reading this eBook, parents will learn:

With Snapchat making the headlines a lot the past few weeks, uKnowKids thought it would be
very helpful to decode this app for you and show you exactly why using this app as a means to send nude or semi-nude pictures is a bad, bad idea.  And why sharing intimate photos in general is never a good idea.